


Letters to Delia

by WhenTheCanonShootsOnlyBlanks



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F, The missing letters, angst and sadness, first person POV, letter format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-09 18:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10418586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenTheCanonShootsOnlyBlanks/pseuds/WhenTheCanonShootsOnlyBlanks
Summary: A collection of the letters Patsy wrote to Delia but never sent.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to start a little art/writing project because nine months is a long time, both for us to go without CtM and for Patsy not to write anything to Delia. So I like to imagine that she _did_ write, but did not send them for reasons I hope to explore in the future. 
> 
> Enjoy!

                                                  _2/4/1962_

My dearest Delia,

I almost had the taxi turn around on the way to Southampton, thrice. The first time before we well and truly cleared Poplar. The only thing that stopped me from doing so was your voice echoing in my head, telling me to go because the sooner I left, the faster I would be back.

If I wasn’t so sure one of the others would pick up, I would have called you from the nearest post office just to hear your voice, even if it would make actually leaving so much harder.

I am writing this to you from my cabin on ‘The Queen Mary’, my home for the coming month. It is cramped and stuffy with only a small porthole in the side to let in some of our dreary British sunlight. I fear I might grow to miss it, but not as much as I am already missing you.

Your letter is laying unopened still next to me on the writing desk. I am saving it for the future, when the distance between us is greater and when I will need to hear your voice the most. I am sorry I can’t offer you the same comfort. I will try and post this letter as soon as we make port in Tangier in three days’ time.

Being on a ship like this reminds me of when I was a child, coming back to England after the war. I had dreadful seasickness back then, let’s hope I grew out of that or I will be in for a miserable four weeks.

There is so much I want to say to you, Delia. That I love you. That I wish you were here with me even if the destination of my travels is far from a happy one.

I wish it was the two of us together on this ship and that our destination was Paris instead of Hong Kong, like I promised you last year.

I am sorry I am going to be gone, possibly for months. I am sorry I can’t be there for you; I am sorry I couldn’t stay or take you with me.

I still don’t want to go, but I feel I would regret not going to see my father for one last time. Although I also regret leaving you right now. I do so wish you were here with me, but people would ask too many questions, questions we can’t answer.

Everybody thinks you and I are just friends. And you are my very best friend, of course. But you are also the woman I love, more than anything else in the world. But this letter is not the place for my frustrations with society, I shall do that in person when I get back and can’t kiss you hello until we are behind closed doors.

I am also sorry for borrowing your perfume without your knowledge. To make it up to you, I have left mine behind so you can use that in absence of your own. I hope it might remind you that I am always with you even if I am not.

Just like you are always with me. I already put your picture up on the wall above my bed. One of the only good things about this ship is that no one knows me here and I can do as I please.

Most of all I am sorry I am so terrible at expressing what I feel for you. You are the most important thing in my life Delia Busby, and no matter how long I am gone, know I will always come back to you. I promise you that now, even if I should have done so before I left.

I am afraid I am starting to bore you, so it is time to end this letter. I will post it as soon as I am able. I know you won’t be able to reply until I get to Hong Kong, but I am looking forward to hearing from you. How you are holding up, how your studies are going, how everyone else is doing, if Sister Ursula banned all fun now. In the meantime I will be waiting, loving and thinking about you.

I love you.

Forever yours,

Patsy

P.S. Say hello to everyone for me, I miss them too.


	2. Chapter 2

                                                       3/4/1962

My dearest Delia,

I am afraid there is frightfully little to do on a ship, even on one this size. I didn’t much feel like playing giant chess on the top deck with the other passengers so I am back in my cabin writing you instead. I fear you are going to get quite a stack of letters from me before I even reach Hong Kong.

I miss you. It has barely been 24 hours and I already miss you. You are on my mind constantly, which is partially why I am writing you again so soon even if I have nothing to tell you. I have gotten rather used to talking to you every day, to seeing you every day, to being with you every day. I feel it has spoiled me and that makes being apart even harder.

I dreamt of you last night, of us, walking hand in hand along the river, free to do whatever we pleased, no one paying us any heed. I wish that hadn’t been a dream, I wish that we could have a relationship like that, one we wouldn’t have to hide from everyone. At the very least I wish the dream had lasted longer so I could have spent some more time with you.

Also, it seems I have, in fact, not grown out of my sea sickness. I awoke nauseous this morning and it has yet to fade away. I worry for what will happen when we reach open sea and are not just sailing along the coast. But I guess you will hear about that when it happens. I guess you will hear about every spilled cup of tea on this ship. I need something to write to you after all.

I keep staring at your letter, laying unread on my desk. I am already starting to feel like I can’t possibly miss you more than I do now. But I know it is only going to get worse with each passing day, so it is best if I wait a bit longer before reading it.

I started on that book you loaned me, every time I come across a sentence you underlined or a little note you scribbled in the margin I can’t help but smile. It seems your annoying habit of defiling books is finally bringing me joy. I am just teasing, of course. Although I will still not be lending you any of my books when I return, I prefer them unmarked.

There is one sentence you underlined “I feel I stand in a desert with my hands outstretched, and you are raining down upon me.”, that resonated with me. It is how I feel about you, how I feel about meeting you. Before you I was alone, feeling lost, like I didn’t belong anywhere with no hope of it ever getting better. And then I met you, and you make me so happy, you are my rain in the desert, Delia. You make me feel at home, no matter where we are. Which is why going to Hong Kong is not going like going home at all. You are my home, Delia. You have always been.

I miss you. I wish you were here.

No, actually I don’t. I wish I was with you, back at Nonnatus. I wish my father wasn’t dying, I wish everything could have stayed like it was. You know I have never been good at sitting still, I would rather be working back in London, with you. But I can’t.

I love you, Delia. And I miss you. We make port in Tangier tomorrow so I will post the letters then. Only 29 more days to go until I get to Hong Kong and I will be able to hear from you again.

I hope you are well.

Forever yours,

Patsy

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see what these letters might have looked like written out check my tumblr [lettersfordelia](https://lettersfordelia.tumblr.com)
> 
> If you want to chat, try my personal tumblr [writersblockisabitch](http://writersblockisabitch.tumblr.com)  
> I am very obsessed with Patsy and Delia right now and would love to talk with equally obsessed people :)
> 
> Feedback would be lovely as this is the first time I have ever written something in 1st person (and I am not very fond of reading it myself) so comments would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> Thank you for reading and do check out the letters on Tumblr, I retaught myself cursive for this!


End file.
